QUESTION:My boyfriend of a year and a half just told me tonight that he cheated on me with a man. He said it happened twice and that it won't happen again. I am so hurt right now I don't know what to do. How can he tell me every day that he loves me and he cheated?
LADAWN SAYS: Wow. I need you to get this. A person can definitely love you and still cheat on you.Often they can do it because they view the two relationships as separate entities and there really is no reason to comingle the two. It is mature choice to be monogamous – not a loving one. Now as far as this man being with another man it is full disclosure time.You need to understand your man’s love for other men.Was this a onetime fling?Has he been with men in the past? Is he in love with this man? Then sister you have to be honest about whether or not you can be with a man who sleeps with other men because odds are he cannot change who is attracted to and if you plan on staying you have to agree to have an open relationship.Many couples do this, but it is clearly not a situation for everyone. Be honest with yourself and your man so that you both can be happy and not have to sneak around.
QUESTION:I am a 26 yr old female and single. I have only been on like 10 dates this year. I was in a very abusive relationship 3 years ago and just took time away from the dating scene to recover. Now that I am ready to date again I feel like there is no man good enough and I keep running into the same people in this tiny city. Do you have any suggestions on meeting guys? LADAWN SAYS: Sweetie, realize that because of your rough history with relationships you are going to be far more cautious and see more signs of dysfunction when it comes to men than a woman who has had an easier relationship history.You have earned the right to be more selective and don’t change that, but keep in mind that dating is really a numbers game and you cannot find Mr. Right if you are not willing to give yourself some exposure to many Mr. Wrongs. You have to learn to date smarter and more efficiently.Give online dating a try where you can really drill down the characteristics that will satisfy you and not waste time on bad matches, look into joining associations/clubs related to your work and hobbies, go speed dating and most importantly let your friends and family know that you are looking for someone new. It is all about being open to new people, new ways to date and knowing that you are on a journey toward real love and that it is okay to have some love wins and losses.
QUESTION:I met this girl three years ago and we just started out as friends because she had a boyfriend. A couple months go by and we are talking every night, then her boyfriend gets arrested. So while he was in jail we kicked it as much as possible.We fell in love but in 2007 her man came home.A month or two later she told me that she was pregnant by him and he was treating her like crap. She said she wanted an abortion and since her man was not working I gave her the money to “fix” her situation. We kind of fell out of touch until this year when she told me that she was finally through with her boyfriend. We went on vacation together and I thought that finally it was our time, but when we got back she told me that she wanted to pursue a relationship with someone else. I am so confused. How can I do so much for this person and she never choose me? LADAWN SAYS: Brother, unfortunately it sounds like you are the nice guy that she can rely on but she never actually plans on being with.You were a safe option for her while her man was doing his time and someone she knew would rescue her when she needed to end her pregnancy.She gives you just enough to keep you around but never enough to make you confident in her love for you. My guess is she probably talked her way into your solo vacation.She is playing you and you need to learn the lesson and move on.